The Truth About “Kick’n” It! Viewpoints From Both Men &Women


Let’s see…the mainstream of today’s RELATIONSHIPS have really gotten a lot simpler. Literally, I’ve interviewed the most people ever for this article, and let me tell you, it was an eye-opener.  Basically, most people think that ‘KICK’N IT’ is the 2K  way of today; they don’t want to be in relationships, it’s more like ‘situationships’.  Let us define the term OPEN RELATIONSHIP –  An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together, but agree to a form of a non- monogamous relationship. This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic and sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short term relationship, such as dating, or long term relationship, such as marriage. More modernly referred to as KICK’N IT.

Friends, do you realize these sort of relationships have been around since the 70’s? Other aka’s names for “KICK’N IT” is, (FWB = FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS), (NSA = NO STRINGS ATTACHED), (CSR = CASUAL SEX RELATIONSHIPS), and (SWI = SEX WITHOUT INTIMACY).  Okay, let’s be honest to thyself first, most of these types of relationships are spun from being broken, or freshly divorced.  So how do you go from being the type of person that ONCE desired a real connection, intimacy, and love, to a person that no longer desires a relationship, or love?  Let’s start with the first series of interviews – our MEN!  Ladies, you may as well get over it, and yes, there are some avenues that men must get over too, but men will deny about being hurt from a failed relationship. These mannerisms are embedded in them as a boy.  It’s too ‘sissy-like’ to cry, feel pain, and yes, even remorse.  They get these reared teachings from their fathers. Men told me that their fathers said, only sissy’s cry, if you don’t win that fight, I’m beating your ass when you get home, boys are hard, tough, and don’t feel pain, or remorse when causing it.  One gentleman told me that his football coach influenced his hard ‘turtle-shell’.  He said the coach told him if the helmet can come off, so can the head!  Therefore, these abusive unknown characteristics are carried over into their manhood, and birthed into their relationships, even marriages.  There is no anecdote, and not even an admission from these types of men that they have some serious issues. Oh, except time, they may be well into their twilight years before they wake up and decide to change.

There are so many clinical, and technological terms for this, but I’ll keep it simple, it’s called being “NUMB”, and it’s a coping mechanism that we all use, but mainly men. “Numbing” is any activity that you use to desensitize your feelings so that you don’t experience vulnerability or hurt.  But by numbing yourself to vulnerability, you also numb yourself to love, belonging, empathy, creativity, adventure and all of life’s goodness. Remember, every worthwhile venture in life – intimate love, friendship, a new business, etc. – is scary. These things are inherently risky, but everything is a risk. You think it’s hard to let your children go off into the world, it’s even harder for men to let themselves go, well, that pride that suffers them internally, and has wounded their worth.  Women don’t like doing this for long, we’re just too emotional, we purge differently, but we also own much of the same behavior.

FACT: FEAR and LOVE cannot co-exist! Much like GRACE and MERCY cannot either, you cannot have one without the other.  One other fact is you cannot convince love, feelings or a relationship to occur; women often do this, because, they think they can change the ICY heart of a man by being the solution to his needs.  He will not change, it will be a complete waste of time to try. Change comes when a person is accepting there needs to be one, and when they’re ready.  Avoidance, the silent treatment, and trying to find fault in a person really says how weak you are and unwilling to face your own flaws, because you THINK you have a set of standards, motto’s or creeds that you live by, and if compromised, you will discard the people who infringed upon you. While the person you just discarded had well intentioned motives, all you did was hurt them for no reason.

Men in denial about being hurt from a failed relationship are cold as HELL, they will use the word, “OK” for everything; this is not normal, but it is to them. These men are not HEALING, in fact, they will say, “I’m good”, but they are hurting and hunting at the same time for women to KICK IT with.  They use women and sex as a method of healing instead of asking for help or seeking support. Men do not talk about their feelings. They do not express or resolve their heartache or pain. They just move on to the next woman, lacking the ability to commit or be successful in a relationship. This lack of healing is the major reason why relationships and marriages are failing today.  Just know that KICK’N IT is RESORTING.

Now women, when brokenhearted, connect by complaining. Sharing gripes is an easy way to bond—after all, everyone has so many—but what starts as an ice-breaker can quickly launch a snark spiral. You have the right idea, which is to find common ground with a man you met that also is hurting from a brokenheart.  But, he just wants to kick it, he doesn’t desire you past a good fuck, and he does not call you until he’s ready for the next one.  One thing BOTH sex’s have to master is knowing that it’s mandatory to have capacity to love, you must have room within your busy life for this be effective. Yes, women equate sex to love, (sometimes, not all, and not all women either!).  Men, you need to know this one! When interviewing women, many stated it’s the things you say while you’re penetrating her, yes, even the “L” word, and how much you love sex with her.  Women chemically use dopamine, involuntarily moreso than men.  It’s a chemical messenger that helps in the transmission of signals in the brain and other vital areas. It has everything to do with having orgasms, even multiple ones! That’s why when we do have multiple orgasms, they are physically tolerable, because there is pain involved with it.  That chemical release is like a sexual anecdote that will defy the pain, and allow comfort while experiencing pleasure and pain at the same damn time.  I know, confusing right?

The next phrase will hopefully transition your lack of understanding into wisdom about women. Dopamine is the molecule behind all our most sinful behaviors and secret cravings. Dopamine is like a little bitch, it controls sex, lust, adultery, and gambling, and positively said, motivation, attention, and feminism.  WE have absolutely NO CONTROL over this, it’s a very BUSY chemical in all our bodies. It’s involved in many different important pathways. But when most people talk, mainly women, they are using massive amounts of it; particularly when they talk about motivation, sex, addiction, attention, or lust. This is why men do not fully understand us.  And it’s the filibuster in why women cannot get past the understanding of how the male brain operates.  So, kick’n it, when it comes to the male species is relationship management, so is lying, and they are totally happy with it.  Get it now?

KICK’N IT for both men and women have one commonality; WE ARE ADDICTED TO AVOIDING OURSELVES IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. This is the root cause of nearly all unhappiness.  One of the hardest challenges in life is to simply live within OUR own skin.  This is why when we go buy things to impress others, we are just not comfortable with where or who we are at the present moment. Unfortunately, we will not admit it either.  We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, to escape from ourselves and the realities of where we are in the present.  So, what types of relationships are most desirable to these types of folk?  KICK’N IT!  The test drive of women is comparable to the test drive of a car, I mean you would test drive a car before buying it, right?  Women will deal with this, but only for so long.  When you think about about why men mostly want to kick it, well, it’s just because they don’t want to deal with the management of the same woman, and women don’t want to deal with the pleasing of one man. She likes the sexual gratification of how different penis’ feel inside her, she day dreams of the next encounter as well. Men, please don’t think that women are not physical first, because we are. You have always prided yourselves in this trait.  We look at height, thickness, crotches, and ass! Trust me, that old dilapidated story about BIG feet and FINGERS is not valid to us. BIG LIE!!! One other internal feature, mainly in men for desiring a KICK’N IT relationship is because they are the ALPHA MALE; too damn strong!  They don’t want to love again, or even feel anything that causes a connection, because these types of men admissions of wrong doing are incredibly threatening. They have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be a bad person; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc… Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic ALPHA MALE dominance, in turn, all they want to do is KICK IT!

Women who are ALPHA FEMALES were mostly givers from the beginning, overly trusting, and too accommodating in prior relationships; this type of woman has a major ooze within her heart, and her allowance to love again is on the sick and shut in list.  She just wants to KICK IT. She desires mind-blowing sex, and will be very picky when selecting a lover, but the one thing she cannot defeat no matter the past pain, is the fact that her emotional needs must be met by her lovers.  There must be something other than good sex to keep her interest, like consistent communication, going out from time to time, sending sweet messages, and doing things just because it’s Wednesday. All the while, she wants NOTHING else from you.  She’s totally tapped out mentally, and will not want a real relationship, all she wants to do is KICK IT for a while. One concluded fact for sure is that everything has an expiration date.  All these phases will end, however, each outcome will vary, hopefully with a success story.  Know that the healing balm on the wound that causes you to NOT FEEL is only temporary.  Learn from your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, and no one is above correction. It’s how you learn from them that defines you as a person. Learn from what went wrong in your last relationship — what caused you to be heartbroken — and make sure that doesn’t happen in the future.


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